I was in a rough mood today. I spent the whole night on Facebook page numbingly refreshing on newsfeeds.Things were pretty dull. I was trying to see if I could find anything interesting. I was checking if is any friend I could talk to. It did not work out well. Facebook seems rather meaningless to me now. I spent 90% on my stalking on others, which is sadly truly a waste of time. It’s not like I really care what’s other doing… Literally I do but I just don’t feel like admitting it, at all time. Facebook is just a platform for procrastinator like me to waste away themselves. Okay.. the main thing here is, I don’t seems to find any person to talk to anymore. And so here I am turning in to you.
It rooted from things that happenned in these two week. After typing them down I hope I would feel much better and be ready to move on. First of all it is about my job/internship application. Before that I have always thought not hearing from the company is often the saddest thing. Because it means you are not worthy enough to be bothered. Now I learned at time it is actually not a bad thing. It could still be what I have previously thought of, or probably it is because they don’t feel like hurting you more. When an placement could not be given, sending an email telling an applicant about that is actually cruel, after they spend time working on it. The simple answer is a “No”, but they would not make the reply that simple. The reply often comes with a long letter, eg. thanking you for your effort in going through all those tedious submission process, and making your read it till the very end just to convey a simple message of “No”. It hurts. And I do need more time to get used to this.
The next thing is about friendship. A close friend of mine started acting cold since 3 months ago. I tried to message her through facebook and skype but she doesn’t seems bothered. I really hope to know why is this happening. Have I did something that may have offended her? I hope she could tell me so I could do my best to fix things right. She was one of the nicest person I ever known and I don’t want to lose our friendship…. I hope things get better soon.
I am not really working hard on my goal that I have set for myself suring my last semester at school. My goal of working in iBanks. I am angry with myself. I know it’s challenging. I know there are a lot of things that I have to learn to truly get myself prepare if any chance actually comes around. Dear blog I am writing this to let myself understand more about what I have in my head. Now that i know I dont like myself of being lazy, I should really start working hard so I could reach out to my resolutions. May Buddha bless me with strength and courage to win over the lazy me and really make things happen. Amitabha.